By Johanna Sparrow
No matter how you look at it, you have bullies in your family. Why can’t this relative or that relative act right? What is wrong with them? These are just some of the questions you ask other loved ones when the bully in the family shows up. It’s hard to look past them because they go out of their way making you feel as if everything that has happened in life is your fault. Somehow you pull yourself together to tell them what’s really on your mind, but then you think, it will only play into what they want. Now lately you find yourself avoiding family functions and events so that you don’t have to be in their company. These types of family members go around picking on those in the family who are quiet or more likely stay to themselves. Why is this such a problem? Why can’t family learn to love one another? What seems like the right questions to ask is not, especially for the bully in the family since they want to upset everything and everyone. Let’s face it they aren’t happy people to be around. It does not matter what is going on, they love to take attention away from what’s really going on. Bullies in the family are hard to be around, but somehow you must learn how to deal with them or become their victim.
Some people love to take you out of your comfort zone and into a world of chaos where they live. Family members who are this way have issues with you or others that may not have nothing to do with the relationship, but jealously sits in the center of why they do and act the way they do. You ask yourself time and time again why do you allow this person around you, family seems to be the reason. Don’t get stuck trying to please someone who doesn’t care for you or the things that you are trying to accomplish. Bullies are this way for many reasons and many times the reason is jealousy and envy. Never allow your power to be taken away from you by someone who does not respect you the way you respect them.
Take some time for you!
You know who the bullies are in your family by now, I take it and it’s been this way with them for a few years. No matter how much fun everyone is having they seem to bring a dark cloud with them wherever they go. Family events are away for them to show off by expressing who they like or don’t like. Don’t fall for this type of behavior, leave. You are not visiting family and loved ones to be talked down too or bullied by a few family members who are not happy with their life. You will have to learn how to visit when they are not around or limit the amount of time you spend at family functions all together. Allow members in the family who are at peace with you to see you as often as they would like, but for those who are starting drama, keep them at a far distance. The less time you are around them the less likely you will be put into some type of confusion. Trying to please everyone in the family is not the way you should think about things. There are just some family members you are not going to get along with and you must know that you are okay with that. Learn how to put yourself first no matter what is going on or else no one else will. Whatever problems your family members have with you should be addressed to you and not the rest of the family. Never try to fix things alone, since the problems that are going are not started by you, but the bully in the family. The truth is many family members try to make the bully in the family feel comfortable when in fact the bully in the family is looking to upset and cause confusion in the family. They are selfish and care for no one, but themselves.
Who are the bullies in your family?
Anyone can be a bully in the family, I’ve seen it all. Most people see the bully in the family as an aunt or uncle, but a bully in the family can be anyone including your parents or grandparents. Bullies are very unhappy people who hate seeing others doing good in the family. When they can’t compete they start confusion by turning family against each other or spreading rumors or lies. Only you can draw the line to when it’s time for you to let them go. You don’t need people like this in your life or around you and your family. A family bully will go out of their way blaming you for things that happened years ago even when you’ve apologized to them more than a dozen times, they don’t know how to let things go and they hold onto everything. They love holding negative things over your head or trying to make you do things that you don’t feel comfortable doing. The worst of it is that a family bully will try to hurt members in your family if they can’t hurt you the way they want to. Open your eyes and see what’s really going on so that you can rise above whatever the bully in the family is doing. Associate yourself with positive family members who are not looking to cause trouble. Below is a list of who can be the bully in your family:
► Your grandparents
► Mother or father
► Aunts and uncles.
► Nieces and nephews.
Rise above what is going on and set limits when dealing with this person in the family. Never allow yourself to be with them alone, since they are always looking for trouble. Know that you can’t fix what’s going on bye yourself, seek out other family members to help you with the family bully. Know that if you are the target that the family bully with come for you every time you are at family events. The best way to deal with it is to visit when no one is around even if that means that attending family events may be off limits, so be it. If no one in the family is trying to help what is going on, you may be dealing with the bully on your own. Staying away may be your only option.
Forgiving people who have wronged you is not easy, but you can get past whatever has happened to you by staying away from them. Don’t give in to the chaos that is going on, it’s only here to distract you from what you ought to be doing. Below is a list of what you must focus on when dealing with the family bully.
► Set boundaries.
► Never confront them alone.
► Set limitations.
► Visit the family when they are not around.
Now is the time to set boundaries with your time and who you allow in your inner circle. Not all family members are equal in that some are out for blood and to see you fail. Know who it is that you are around and make sure you keep the family bullies out of your life if you want things to be positive. The family bully can’t hurt you if you aren’t letting him/her in to do so.
Only you can bring out the good in your situation. Never allow the family bully to be the center of your problems or keep chaos in your life with the rest of the family. The only way to shut down the family bully is by not giving in to what they do. The less attention you give them the less likely they will be to cross you in the future. Bullies can only do damage to the family they claim to love if they are given attention.
Talking about bullying is very much needed which is why I released my self-help series that covers just that topic alone, “Bullies in The Family; Act Right Series,” June 2016 along with a few other titles on relationship issues.
I have been writing for over 18 years and have published a variety of books from children’s books to self-help books dealing with relationship, personal growth and conflict issues. As a relationship expert, life couch and author helping others is what I do. Ask Johanna Consulting service was creating for my readers and those who have question concerning love and life issues. Visit me at www.johannasparrow.com or on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Johanna-Sparrow/e/B00N8EB3J2/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1
New self-help book releases coming in 2016 are as follow:
o Sabotage 3, How to Handle a Commit-A-Phobe
o Adult Sibling Envy
o The Seven Sins of Love
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When visiting Johanna Sparrow’s site, you will find a bevy of self-help books covering a variety of topics from love, commitment issues, dating, relationships and life issues.