By Johanna Sparrow
You married the person of your dreams and you would think that everyone in your family would be happy for you, think again. It seems no one wants to deal with your mother not even your spouse and for good reason, they are not happy with your union. How do you make everyone in your family happy while bringing them together as a family? How can you get your mother to accept your spouse without finding fault in everything they do? You do so by getting to the bottom of what is going on with your mother since she is not happy with who you married. This is not your spouse’s problem, but your mother’s and that’s clear.
Whatever has happened in your relationship with your spouse over the course of your dating and marrying now your mother should not be keeping score and that’s for darn sure. Relationships aren’t perfect and you will have good days and bad, but having a mother who is not forgiving makes things worse for that young couple in love. Dealing with your mother about her behavior towards your spouse should be easy, but for some it’s not. If you have a parent who takes things out on your relationship by picking sides and keeping score you will have a difficult time healing. You need to manage your mother if you don’t want her destroying your marriage.
Mother in-laws can be loving, but that’s not always the case and many look for faults in their daughter or son-in-law for no reason at all other than to cause confusion where there is none. Knowing what sets your mother off when it comes to your spouse is crucial to keeping the peace when everyone is together. If you are trying to get your mother to accept your spouse you’re wasting your time. You will end up frustrated at your mother or worse your spouse for not wanting to work things out. Leave the details to those parties involved and try to stay out of it when it comes to who should make the first move. Below is a list of how you can help your mother and spouse work things out.
- Plan a dinner date where you all can sit down and talk.
- Allow your mother or spouse to express how they feel and respect their decision to not want to work things out. They may not be ready.
- Know it’s not your fault that your mother does not get along with your spouse.
- Allow both parties to work things out themselves.
The less you involve yourself in the details of what is blocking your spouse and mother from getting along, the better off you will be in not picking sides. This is not your battle and you must allow the people in your life who love you to work things out. If the outcome is not a happy ending know it’s for the best. Your mother or spouse do not have to accept each other so respect their choice.
Don’t allow your mother or spouse to feel attacked when you are not around. The only time you should get involved is when your mother is saying things to your spouse that are hurtful. If your spouse never wants to be around your mother, great which means more peace for you. Learn to stand up for what is right if you see that your mother is trying to bully your spouse, this is never a good sign. No matter how much peace you want if both are not willing to get along let it go and move on. You can keep a family union without the drama or both needing to spend time with each other. Things with your mother and spouse will work themselves out, if not move on. Your job is to be there for your spouse and support them even if that means you will attend the holidays with the family alone. Never allow your mother to have you pick a side, you should be protecting your spouse by helping your mother to understand your partner, simple and plain. The key to a happy relationship is allowing everyone to be themselves.
Never push your mother or spouse on each other, it’s not good for either one of them to feel forced to spend time with each other. Remember this is not about you so don’t take it personal. Sometimes people need time to get to know someone and it’s your job to allow that to happen naturally. If your mother hates your spouse getting them to spend time together is not going to have them loving each other, it hurts them more. Be open minded about what is going on and know that there are two people in your life who may not like each other, hell they may even hate each other and that’s okay. You can still have time with the family if you can respect how they both feel and leave them to work things out when they are ready.
I love discussions on relationship issues such as on love and unity, which is why I plan to release a new self-help book that covers just that topic alone, “The Six Disturbing Signs Your Mother in-law is Out to Destroy Your Marriage,” now available on Amazon.
I’ve been writing for over 18 years and have published a variety of books from children’s books to self-help books dealing with relationship, personal growth and conflict issues. As a relationship expert, life couch and author helping others is what I do. Ask Johanna Consulting service is created for my readers and those who have questions pertaining to love and life issues. Visit me at www.johannasparrow.com or on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Johanna-Sparrow/e/B00N8EB3J2/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1
New self-help book releases coming in 2016:
The Seven Sins of Love
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